Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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