I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
