Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
