The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
