You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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