Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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