I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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