I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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