i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
