I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
