We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
