Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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