Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
