she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize