you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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