I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
