dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I wanna passion pit in your ass
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
