One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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