I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
pray to the hookup gods
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
