He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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