ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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