I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
