Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
