Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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