Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
