My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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