What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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