if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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