I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Randomize
