she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
