Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
