Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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