She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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