He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize