i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
