True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
