I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
