i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
