dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
