My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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