I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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