The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize