At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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