Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
