Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
