All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
