if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
It's Friday. Sex?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Randomize