So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
