tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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