see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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