I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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