I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Randomize