hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
