I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Randomize
