ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize