we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
