Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize