It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Randomize
