Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
