using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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