It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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