did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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