No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
