i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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