Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
