I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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