some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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