Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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