hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
