Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
My ass is underappreciated
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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