i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
