News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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