If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
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