if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Randomize
