I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
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