You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Randomize
