Im at strip club and am horny
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
