alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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