so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
