God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
