Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
