R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
