shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
