So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
