u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
mondays should just be called national damage control day
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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