do herpes really smell.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
