i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
