I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
