Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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