When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Randomize
