i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
