And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
